My Funny Valentine Page 11

  Despite all her reservations, her resolve, Bella had gone and tumbled head over heels in love with Gray Cameron. The outcome might be nothing short of ruinous to her heart—but that hadn’t stopped her.

  A small frown furrowed her brow. The truth was, Bella didn’t know how to proceed from here. Did she tell Gray she loved him? For reason’s she didn’t understand, she didn’t think that would be a wise course of action. Did she simply act as if nothing had happened, move blithely on as though they’d never been lovers? Oh, no. That definitely wouldn’t work. Especially considering that she’d been panting after him ever since the first moment she’d set eyes upon him.

  With a rush of insight, it suddenly occurred to Bella that there wasn’t anything she could do.

  Besides love him.

  And, since her heart had been ruling her head from the get-go, it seemed a monumental waste of energy to try to fight what came naturally to her. Gray would leave. Heartache would come. She could deal with it. It was familiar enough, something she had a wealth of experience in dealing with. Bella sighed.

  But right now…she would love him. She would take whatever time she had left before Gray moved on, hold it in her heart and let those memories keep her company on the lonely nights. She’d learned that lesson well when she’d lost Dan.

  But Bella had also learned another important lesson then: how to seize the moment. To live each and every minute as though it were her last. To let the people she loved know that she loved them and how important they were in her life. Time was a precious gift, which should not be wasted. She would not forget that lesson now.

  Bella gazed across the room, her suddenly damp eyes landing on a cherished photograph of her and Dan. She searched the familiar lines of her late husband’s face, waiting for the guilt of betrayal to swap her. Strangely, it didn’t. She’d promised to love, honor and respect him, keep herself only unto him, until death parted them. She’d done that, Bella realized now. A cruel twist of rate had taken Dan out of her life, but her love for him would always live on in a special part of her heart. But it didn’t mean that Bella didn’t have room for another love in her life

  Maggie had been right when she’d told Bella that Dan wouldn’t have wanted her to be alone. Her late husband had been a good man who would have wanted the best for his family, for his wife and his son. He wouldn’t have been jealous of her love for Gray, but rather glad that she’d found it.

  After all, how many women were privileged enough to truly love two good men in a lifetime? Bella’s eyes welled with tears and she silently fingered the yellow rose Gray had left. Who was she to dismiss such a wonderful gift?

  Gray ignored his agent’s numerous frantic requests on the answering machine to call him back, and quickly prepared to exit his apartment. Gray suspected Nick DeMarco’s nervousness had something to do with promoting his next book on one of America’s most popular late-night television programs—something which Gray had conveniently canceled via Nick’s voicemail.

  Gray’s hated to put his agent through undue stress, but something important had come up here in Magnolia Grove, Mississippi—Bella.

  He grinned to himself. The world as Gray had known it had changed forever last Saturday night. He couldn’t define the mysterious transformation, couldn’t put into words what exactly had happened to him, but the feeling of contentment had become too powerful to ignore. He only knew that since he and Bella had surrendered to their mutual attraction…things had been better for him. He smiled all the time now, felt much more energized, somehow locked into happiness, as though a missing piece of his life had been found and put into its rightful place. His story had finally come together—one of his very best, if he did say so himself—and he finished the book, sent in the manuscript before deadline, then celebrated the accomplishment with Bella.

  The thought sent another smile to his lips. Bella certainly knew how to…celebrate. But Gray had to admit, his feelings for her went well beyond the physical. Bella found goodness wherever she went. She took pleasure in simple things: the sound of a bubbling creek, the rainbow after an afternoon shower, watching the sun set. She lived each and every day looking for those pleasures and making sure that her young son saw them as well. Admirable qualities for certain, and undoubtedly the loss of her husband had caused her to cherish life more than ever.

  At times Gray found himself unreasonably jealous of that man. Which was ridiculous, because he wasn’t competing with Bella’s late husband. Gray knew and even understood from what little Bella said about Dan that Ethan’s father was her first love. But she’d also made it abundantly clear over the past few days that her heart was capable of loving him as well.

  The thought of being on the receiving end of Bella’s affection both thrilled and terrified Gray. Thrilled him because Gray suspected he was falling in love with Bella. Terrified him because he’d always assumed that a writer’s life had no room for a wife and family.

  Nevertheless, Gray found himself thinking about Bella and her delightful son in all kinds of ways. Vacations and holidays, milestones and markers. He wanted to spend Christmas with them, to take them places. He wanted to see the look on Bella’s face when she saw the ocean. But more importantly, he longed to be with them both, and experience the joys of life with Bella. To discover what she could make him see. To be part of her magic. He simply couldn’t help himself.

  But those feelings only intensified his fears. What if he’d been right all along? What if Bella couldn’t accept his solitary creative sessions or give him the time he had to have to write? What if she found him too difficult to live with—or love—and simply said good-bye? What if she didn’t want him here? He’d never asked her to leave Magnolia Grove, so he’d have to move here from San Francisco.

  Truthfully, Gray had come to feel more at home in her rambling old house than he ever had elsewhere. The idea of truly becoming a part of her world, living in her little town, held a great deal of appeal to Gray. Too much, really, considering all he stood to lose if she didn’t want to make a place for him here. The thought was too terrifying to contemplate. So he didn’t.

  Instead, he descended the stairs, strolled right into the salon, and whirled Bella around to face him. The, right in front of her faithful guardians, he planted a long, hot kiss which effectively transmitted all of the intensity of his feelings to her.

  When the kiss was over, Bella drew back, her blue eyes wide. “H-hello to you, too,” she murmured breathlessly.

  Gray grinned. “When are you finished, angel?”

  “In about forty-five minutes. I’ve got one more set to do.”

  Laying on the charm, Gray turned and surveyed the elderly troupe before him. “Whose? Surely none of these beautiful ladies need a hair on their heads touched. They’re a picture of perfection as it is.”

  “Oh, you,” Fayrene cooed, preening beneath Gray’s flirtatious praise. Even the practical Maggie blushed, while the rest of the group shifted self-consciously and patted their short locks.

  Momentarily Maggie straightened. “Gray’s right, ladies. Fayrene your hair looks fine. Can’t you wait until tomorrow for your set and let these young folks get about their courtin’?”

  Fayrene smiled. “Certainly. I’d hate for anything to come between true lovers.”

  “From what I saw of that kiss a moment ago, you couldn’t have gotten a feather between them with a sledgehammer,” Lila teased, drawing a chuckle from the group. A dry chuckled even tittered out of Hattie’s fire and brimstone throat. If he’d won that crusty old cynic over, he’d certainly accomplished something, Gray thought, please with himself.

  Maggie snatched her purse and headed for the door, setting an example for the others. “We’re gone, Bella. See you tomorrow.”

  With the chorus of good-byes, the women took their leave. Seemingly impressed, Bella turned to Gray. A hint of mischief lurked in her pretty blue eyes and an inkling of a grin curled her kiss-swollen lips. “Well done,” she praised. “I’d pay you to do that e
very day.”

  “Oh, yeah?” Could I choose the form of remittance I would prefer?” Gray asked, sidling towards her. He’d only been in the room with her for a few minutes and the need to touch her, to back her against the wall and bury himself inside her was almost more than he could bear. Damn, but this little widow scared the hell out of him.

  “I’m open to negotiations,” she replied, strolling towards him as well.

  “What’s a go-she-a-shun?” an inquisitive little voice asked.

  Bella and Gray both turned. Bella colored and, smiling, lowered her forehead against his chest. Gray’s heart swelled. As naturally as breathing, he circled his arms around her, then returned his attention to Bella’s son. “It’s sort of like a compromise,” Gray explained.

  Ethan’s brow furrowed. “Hunh?”

  “You know how I tell if you if you pick up your toys, I’ll take you to get ice cream?” Bella asked him.

  Smiling, the child nodded. “Yeah.”

  “That’s a compromise.”

  “Oh.” Ethan paused, then slyly looked up. “I picked up my toys today, Momma.”

  Gray grinned, impressed with Ethan’s grasp of negotiation. “Oh, you did?” Bella asked him.

  “Yep.”

  “You know, Bella,” Gray contributed. “If he picked up his toys, he probably deserves some ice cream.”

  “I agree,” Bella told him.

  “All right!” Ethan crowed delightedly. “I’ll go get my shoes.” Energized by the promise of ice cream, the child raced out of the room.

  “You’re really good with him,” Bella told Gray.

  The unexpected compliment too Gray completely off guard. He swallowed, inexplicably touched. “Thanks.”

  “I mean it,” Bella told him. “Ethan thinks the world of you.”

  Gray had thought as much. The adorable child dogged his footsteps and lived in his shadow. He’d readily accepted Gray’s presence in his life and that unconditional approval had moved Gray beyond words.

  An unwelcome thought suddenly occurred to Gray. Were things to go wrong between he and Bella, they wouldn’t be the only ones affected—Ethan would be as well. It was a sobering thought and added a whole new dimension to Gray’s concerns. Selfishly, he’d been so worried about his own heart that he’d failed to truly consider Bella’s or her son’s.

  Could he really do this? Could he risk them all, when he had such deep reservations about whether or not he should commit? A host of reasons and doubts suddenly plagued him again, causing an uncomfortable sensation to swirl in his chest.

  Gray knew that he’d fallen in love with Bella and suspected that she loved him as well. But would it work? Could they make it work? Better still, did Bella want to? Truthfully, he didn’t know. Gray desperately wanted to be with her. But wanting something and being able to have it were to entirely different things.

  ***

  He’d pulled back.

  Bella didn’t know what had happened to make Gray draw away from her—from them—but she knew that he had all the same. For the past week, he’d been reserved around her. Perhaps distant was a better word.

  She told herself that she should have been prepared for this, even trying to convince herself that she would have been better off if she and Gray had never acted on their feelings.

  But she couldn’t.

  Because if she truly believed that, then she would have to regret what had happened between them and she didn’t. After all, how could she regret loving him? But now, more than anything, Bella hated the uncertainty, of not knowing how to act or what to expect. Since she didn’t know exactly what to do, she’d simply followed his lead.

  Bella thought she’d made her feelings perfectly clear, that she’d been completely transparent. While she hadn’t told him that she loved him verbally, she’d showed him in every way she knew how, short of those three little words. She wanted Gray in her life, forever. In her child’s life. Her body craved his nearness, his touch. Simply looking at him provided a blissful sense of contentment.

  At times, Bella found herself almost certain that Gray wanted the same things. A particular look, a gentle touch. Bella had been in love before, had been loved in return and she recognized the signs. But for reasons which escaped her, she didn’t think that Gray did. Or maybe he did, and simply chose to ignore the signals.

  Though she hated to admit it, Bella had decided that while Gray might love her, perhaps he loved his present life more and didn’t want to make a new one with her.

  Bella didn’t want to leave Magnolia Grove. This was her home, where her roots were. The place she wanted to raise her son. Obviously, Gray had figured that out. He wouldn’t ask her to leave, because he knew she wouldn’t give up. So who was she to ask that he do the same? She’d known that their lives were worlds apart, wholly incompatible. He was Grayson Blake, a famous author, for pity’s sake. She only wish her heart had known it as well.

  “Bella?”

  Perched in the window seat in her empty salon, Bella turned at the sound of Gray’s voice. Two things instantly drew her notice. His uncomfortably grim expression and the luggage which sat at his feet. She swallowed tightly as tears burned the back of her throat.

  “Yeah?”

  Gray shuffled forward and plowed a hand through his long mane. Geez, how she loved his hair. “Something’s come up and I have to go out of town for a week. Maybe more. My agent—“

  “No need to explain,” Bella broke in, striving for a nonchalant tone. The sooner he left, the sooner she could cry. She was thankful that Ethan had gone to church with Hattie. All of her regulars had taken turns with Ethan, seemingly to give her and Gray more time alone together. Since Gray had been mostly avoiding her, Bella had simply been alone.

  “We need to talk when I get back,” he told her.

  Bella nodded. “Sure.”

  Well, at least he planned to dump her in person instead of on the phone. That had to say something about his character, right? Somehow, Bella would have preferred the phone call. Saying good-bye to Gray in person would be a great deal harder than simply hanging up the phone.

  Gray came forward and cupped her cheek. His eyes searched hers, looking for what Bella didn’t know. The he lowered his head and covered her mouth with his. Bella instantly melted, felt the tears which had threatened well in her eyes. She cupped his jaw as well, drew him closer, begging him with her lips not to leave her. Not to go.

  With a shuddering breath, Gray ended the kiss. “I’ll call,” he told her, his voice oddly rough.

  Knowing that was a false promise Bella watched him stroll across the room, collect his bags and stroll out of her life without so much as looking back. She felt her fragmented heart crack and let out a sigh from the depths of her soul. A tear slid slowly down her cheek. In the space of a few seconds, he was gone…and she would never be the same.

  ***

  Two weeks later, Gray sat in his apartment in San Francisco and stared at his cordless phone, trying to summon the courage to dial Bella’s number. He should call. He’d told her he would call. Even knowing that, however, Gray simply couldn’t make his fingers react to the command his conscience knew he should obey.

  Gray sighed deeply and plunged his fingers through his hair. He fulfilled his publicity obligations last week, talked his head off on a late-night TV show he hoped she hadn’t seen. He still hadn’t contacted Bella or gone back to Mississippi, which was really what he wanted to do. He missed her and Ethan so much that it hurt. A big gaping void which he hadn’t known existed had been filled by their presence and he needed them.

  But Gray also needed to be sure, needed Bella to be sure about him before they went any further. Too much was at stake not to respect that.

  Nevertheless, doing the right thing felt incredibly like the wrong thing. The look of hurt that had briefly claimed Bella’s angelic features before she’d effectively composed herself had almost brought Gray to his knees. He’d wanted to explain why he’d been so withdrawn over tho
se past few days, to tell her everything he’d been feeling, but he’d been a coward. Furthermore, he hadn’t known how and didn’t want to risk looking like a fool.

  Gray’d learned one important thing in his hiatus from Mississippi—he definitely loved Bella Valentine. He passed a hand over his face. He’d been entirely too miserable without her not to be in love with her. It was with that thought then that Gray realized what he had to do.

  He had to go back.

  He had to be with Bella. With Ethan. He belonged with them, just as they belonged with him.

  A feeling of well-being swamped him, swelled his chest and spread through him, pushing away the fear and trepidation, and leaving an awesome feeling of peace. He drew a deep breath, letting his chest expand with a deep sigh of relief.

  Yes, he would definitely be going back. This time, permanently.

  ***

  “So have you heard from him, Bella?” Maggie wanted to know. Four concerned faced started at her. Her regulars had grown increasingly worried about her, and though Bella appreciated their concern, she really wished that she could be alone.

  “No, I haven’t,” Bella admitted.

  Gray hadn’t called, just as she’d known he wouldn’t. His things were still here and eventually Bella knew he would have to return for them. In the interim Bella had thought of all the things that she might say to him. She was torn between I love you and go to hell.

  Maggie and Fayrene shared a look. “Well, he must be really busy. I saw him on one of those late shows the other night. He looked tired to me. Didn’t he look tired to you, Maggie?” Fayrene asked.

  “Definitely,” Maggie concurred. “He looked exhausted.”

  Bella had seen him as well, and he hadn’t looked exhausted to her. He’d looked poised and charming, dangerously handsome as always. She had noticed a little nervous tension when he’d been asked about his latest completed novel, but that could have just been wishful thinking on her part. Though she hated to admit it, it appeared that Gray had walked away virtually unscathed from their semi-relationship. She wished she’d been as lucky. Bella blinked back tears and forced herself to finish Lila’s hair.