His First Noelle Page 4

  Jeb glanced up at him, hesitated. “He’s keeping something from me,” he said. “I know it.”

  He would, Payne thought. He had a feeling he knew where this conversation was going. “Oh?”

  “I know that when I left things were a bit...difficult for him. For me as well,” he added. “Not that we couldn’t handle it, of course. But...” He glanced at the carpet, shrugged. “Not to get too woo-woo on you,” he said, describing the twin connection. “But managing the twin thing is just easier when we’re closer. Being on different continents for the past nine months has been a little stressful for both of us.”

  Payne nodded. “I can see where that would be true.”

  “Our parents think Judd left the military because he couldn’t bear to be away from me. That’s true, in part, I’m sure.” He glanced up, leveled his gaze at him. “But there’s something more. Another reason. Something else happened. I know it. Feel it. But whatever it is, he hasn’t shared it with me. We’ve never kept secrets from each other.” His lips twisted with wry humor. “Why bother, right?” he joked. “But he’s keeping one now and I know that whatever it is...it’s unpleasant for him.” He paused, speared Payne with another one of those direct looks. “I know you’ve talked to Colonel Garrett. Could you shed any light on the situation for me?”

  And there it was. He’d anticipated this discussion and as such had prepared his answer. “I’d rather not,” Payne told him. “What I’m aware of didn’t come from your brother, so strictly speaking it wouldn’t be a betrayal of trust. But speaking as a man and former soldier with my own private struggles, there are some things that are better shared in one’s own time, wouldn’t you agree?”

  Payne knew he would, because Jeb’s reasons for leaving the military had been so similar to his own. Botched mission, lost lives, the burden of responsibility and shame. Payne had eventually come to terms with his own guilt and suspected that Jeb was on his way there as well, but the path was long and arduous. The same qualities that made a man a good soldier were the very same ones that made him honorable and self-sacrificing. The mantle of responsibility was heavy and grew even weightier when something went wrong. He thumped his pen absently against his desk, inwardly grimacing. Shrugging that bitch off when it landed on your shoulders was damned tough.

  Jeb was thoughtful for a moment, then eventually smiled and lifted his shoulder. “I had to try,” he said.

  Payne chuckled. “I would have done the same.”

  “Ah, hell,” Jeb muttered with a sigh. “I guess he’s entitled to one secret.”

  “He’ll eventually tell you. Keeping it from you is probably harder than actually sharing it.”

  Jeb paused to consider him, his gaze direct and thoughtful. “I think you have a better understanding of this than most experts claim to,” he remarked.

  Payne merely shrugged. “People are fascinating.”

  And Jeb and Judd Anderson were definitely that and more.

  4

  SO MUCH FOR not landing in the Unforgivably Stupid category, Noelle thought as she sat silent and seething in the front seat of the car. Christmas decorations hung from the lamp posts as they made their way through town, a series of candy canes and heralding angels hanging from their lofty perches. Tree trunks wrapped in white lights lined Main Street proper and windows dressed in evergreen and candlelight glittered in the night.

  Snow didn’t fall often in Mississippi, but cold was something they were all familiar with. As such, shoppers were wrapped in heavy coats and gloves, toddlers in puffy jackets of varying colors, making them look like little marshmallows with heads. The thought made her smile, which felt a bit like a betrayal considering how absolutely dumb she’d been.

  The GPS in her phone. Geez, Lord, hadn’t she watched enough crime dramas to know better? How many times had a victim been traced via their last cell phone activity? How many times had the bad guys been captured because they’d messed up and used one?

  To be fair, she hadn’t used her cell since she’d gone into protective custody—not because she’d been aware of the danger, but because she simply hadn’t had anyone to call. The bulk of her correspondence had been through email and when she’d wanted to check that, she’d just used Clark’s. She hadn’t considered, hadn’t even thought that she might be putting them all in danger. She bit the inside of her cheek, blinking back tears.

  If anything happened to them because of her...

  She couldn’t bear to think about it. Concern and worry gnawed at her, made her want to go back and apologize for potentially risking their safety when they’d been nothing but kind to her.

  And all because she’d allowed him to irritate her.

  She peeked a withering glance in his direction, berating herself for the immediate bolt of heat that hit her middle. And honestly, she considered herself lucky that it was only a bolt of heat and not a full-fledged conflagration, like the one that had descended upon her like the legendary fires of hell the instant he’d lifted her up over his massive, powerful shoulder.

  Mercy.

  She’d been too stunned to react at all at first. To begin with, she wasn’t accustomed to anyone picking her up at all. Not since she was a child, anyway. That he’d done it, this dark-haired giant of a man with the most mouthwatering body she’d ever laid eyes on, was nothing short of staggering. He’d lifted her easily, as though her weight and size were negligible.

  Which they weren’t, she knew.

  At five foot eight, Noelle was tallish and had the frame to go along with her height. While she wasn’t exactly overweight, if she suddenly lost ten pounds she knew she wouldn’t miss it. She liked food and she liked to eat and, thankfully, she was active enough to be able to indulge herself occasionally without worry that she wouldn’t be able to fit into her clothes the next day. At any rate, she was not petite, she was healthy.

  But the minute she’d gone over his shoulder...she’d felt positively dainty.

  And her stupid heart had skipped a beat and her stupid body had boiled with blistering awareness, settling hotly in her suddenly drenched sex. She’d tingled from head to toe, a sensation that had only intensified from her vantage point, which had put her in close proximity to his extremely well-made ass.

  Pride and irritation had kept her from completely coming unglued, so she’d managed to pretend like she was merely outraged and entertained by his oafish behavior when, truthfully, she’d been unaccountably, gallingly thrilled. Some part of that masculine display of strength had called to her on a purely base feminine level—a throwback to prehistoric times, no doubt, when the man had to club dinner over the head and drag it home to eat. When a woman slept with a man at night to make him sleepy and prevent him from making off to another cave, to another bear skin rug.

  That she’d reacted as she had was as puzzling as it was distressful.

  Truthfully, she’d always considered herself above such things, had always been more attracted to an intellectual mind. Did that mean she couldn’t appreciate a little eye candy? No. She could and did—Magic Mike, anyone?—but when it came to what really drew her, a clever sense of humor and intelligent mind were ordinarily what turned her on.

  Judd Anderson had turned her on before she’d even gotten a proper look at him. More so than any other man ever. And, as a former Ranger, she knew that he was intelligent. The jury was still out on his sense of humor, but judging from his little jab about dragging her in by the hair when they got to wherever the hell it was that they were going, she imagined it leaned toward the darker side.

  That fit, she thought. Between that shiny black hair and equally arrestingly black eyes, a bubbly sense of humor would be horribly out of place. Though she still hadn’t managed to truly study him as she wished—he had that sort of face, the kind that drew one in and didn’t let go—she knew beauty when she saw it. And he was beautiful, an adjective that would no doubt offend him.

  Offensive or not, it was still true.

  His skin was smooth with honey
ed undertones that suggested he’d tan well, his cheeks high and the hollows beneath just sharp enough to be intriguing, but full enough to prevent being harsh. The dashboard lights illuminated his face, the passing cars giving her additional glimpses as they went by, flickering like an exhausted reel of film. The light between shadows revealed heavy-lidded eyes, a purely carnal mouth, one that was full and wide and presently set in a displeased line. The muscle in his jaw worked and tension vibrated off his massive body so thoroughly that she imagined she could see it in waves, pulsing like sonar.

  He wasn’t just angry, he was livid.

  And it was her fault.

  She wasn’t exactly certain how she felt about that—she wavered between indifference and regret—but probably wouldn’t have been as concerned had she not compromised her position with a mistake. And a big one, at that.

  She wrapped her arms a little more tightly around the basket, using it like a shield, then swallowed. “Would you please check in with Les and the boys a little later, just so I’ll know that they’re all right?”

  He didn’t look at her, but merely nodded and drummed his thumb against the steering wheel.

  “Would you mind telling me where we’re going?” she ventured. The continued silence was starting to get to her. Hell, she knew she’d messed up. His refusing to speak to her wasn’t going to flay her any more than her own conscience.

  “To a new safe house.”

  Obviously. Irritation bubbled quickly once again and she struggled to keep it in check. She would not allow him to goad her. She wouldn’t.

  “I had sort of worked that bit out for myself, thanks,” she said, careful to keep the sarcasm out of her voice. “Could you be more specific?”

  “I could, but I won’t.”

  Noelle felt her eyes narrow, her jaw clench. A hot retort burned up the back of her throat, but she swallowed it back, determined to move this bad-start relationship into more cordial territory. “That’s—” asinine, petty, small “—unfortunate,” she managed, nearly choking on the word.

  He did look at her then and though he didn’t smile, she thought she detected the barest tug on his lips. “That’s not what you wanted to say, was it?”

  She shifted primly in her seat and lifted her chin. “I’m trying to be pleasant,” she said. That he wasn’t was strongly implied.

  “Let me know how that works out for you,” he said with a grim chuckle. “I tried it earlier this evening and it backfired spectacularly for me.”

  Annoyed, Noelle opened her mouth, then clamped it shut. Don’t respond, don’t respond, don’t respond. “That’s odd,” she remarked, a low edge to her voice that she couldn’t seem to control anymore than her mouth. “I don’t remember you being pleasant at all.”

  “Oh, I imagine it’s difficult to recognize without my lips glued to your ass, like those of your previous detail, but you’ll work it out soon enough.”

  Of all the unmitigated gall... She felt her eyebrows wing up her forehead and swiveled to face him. “You’re rude.”

  “I’m efficient. I’m not surprised that you don’t recognize the difference.”

  She gritted her teeth. Back to that were they? “I wasn’t made aware that you were coming for me tonight until a few minutes before you arrived,” she said, her temper needle edging into the red zone once more. “Les didn’t want to worry me. He was afraid that I’d be upset at having to move yet again. In the past three weeks I’ve been shot at twice, nearly burned to death once and moved to four different locations. I haven’t been able to go home, which is just as well,” she added with a slightly manic chuckle, “since it’s still uninhabitable from the fire I narrowly escaped.” She glared at him. “I am not inefficient, you arrogant autocratic ass,” she said, biting off each word. “I am tired and I am scared and I just want my damned life back.” She turned and stared straight ahead, perturbed that she’d let him do it again, engage her in another pointless argument. Oh, well, Noelle thought. In for a penny, in for a pound. “And you can suck it.”

  * * *

  JUDD BLINKED AND a startled laugh—one he desperately needed—burst from his throat. “Suck wh-what exactly?” he asked, chuckling under his breath.

  He didn’t have to see her eyes to know that she’d rolled them. He could hear it in her tone, in that beleaguered, put-upon pitch. “Go to hell.”

  Suck it, indeed. He smiled, tsked a reproof. “I thought you were trying to be pleasant.”

  “It’s not worth it,” she said with a little arm wave. “It’s either point out your idiocy or have a stroke, and I have too much self-preservation to have you kill me, particularly when you’re the jackass who is supposed to be keeping me alive. Or had you forgotten?” she drawled.

  Honest to God, she was the most provoking woman he’d ever met in his life. “I haven’t forgotten. But considering you attempted to have me replaced within minutes of my arrival, I have to admit I’ve lost a bit of enthusiasm on that score.”

  “Enthusiasm or not, it’s your job. Wounded your pride, did I?” she asked with a pointed quirk of her brow. “Had you been the least bit agreeable, I wouldn’t have made the call. You weren’t. You were a jerk. I didn’t foresee a pleasant few days for either of us.”

  He didn’t either, but for different reasons than she did, obviously. Even now, he was more aware of the mulish set of her ripe lips than the words coming out of them. “I wasn’t a jerk—I was right. From your reaction, I can only conclude that was a novel experience for you.” He glanced in the rearview mirror, keeping a close watch on the activity behind them. “I wasn’t the one with wounded pride, sweetheart. That was you.”

  Her adorable chin jacked up another notch. “Don’t call me sweetheart. It’s patronizing and I don’t

  like it.”

  He laughed darkly again and shook his head in disbelief. “I’m patronizing? I’m patronizing? Oh, that’s rich.”

  He felt that green stare bore into the side of his head and she narrowed her eyes in suspicion. “What are you talking about?”

  Judd negotiated the turn that would take them to the main highway, then later onto the interstate. “You talked to me like I was an incompetent moron, then had the audacity to suggest that I’m so ignorant that I don’t know the difference between men beneath my command and the rest of the world. And you have the nerve to accuse me of being patronizing?” he asked, his voice climbing. He grunted. “I suggest you check that definition again and then take a look in the mirror, sweetheart. Because you’re the personification of it.”

  She smoothed a nonexistent wrinkle from her skirt, avoiding his gaze. “You provoke me,” she said churlishly, in what he thought he was supposed to accept as an admission of guilt. “I don’t like being told what to do.”

  He laughed again, shook his head. “Show me a person who does.”

  She shot him a look, a shadow of a smile on her mouth. “Touché.” A pause, then, more quietly, less angrily, “I shouldn’t have used the phone.”

  That was probably as close to an apology for calling Payne as he was likely to get, Judd thought. He still couldn’t believe that she’d done it, that she’d been so annoyed with him over that little verbal exchange—not even a good argument, dammit—that she’d called and asked for a replacement.

  Yes, it had embarrassed him. This was his first assignment for Ranger Security, his maiden voyage, so to speak. His proving ground.

  More than the humiliation, though, she was right. It had wounded his pride. Had she called because he’d been incompetent or made a mistake, it would have been justified. He wouldn’t have liked it, but he would have accepted it. But having her call because he’d had the balls to stand up to her and point out the flaws in her reasoning smacked too much of an intentional retreat. And nothing about her—in person or on file—had suggested he’d be protecting a coward.

  So why had she done it? Why had she scurried into that depressing little bedroom and called his boss? What was it about him, specifically, that sh
e found so beyond redemption that she didn’t want to spend a single unnecessary moment in his company? Especially when she’d seemed so fond of that band of happy misfits she’d spent the past two weeks with? If she could find redeeming qualities in all of them, then surely she ought to be able to find one in him as well. But she hadn’t even wanted to try. Wounded pride?

  Damn straight.

  And it blew.

  Clearly he needed to get a rubber band for his own wrist and pop it every time he was tempted to howl in frustration. Like now. Because there was no way in hell he was jealous of Les and Clark and Roy. He scowled. Especially Roy, with his curly hair and All You Can Eat Buffet body. Dammit, now he was being uncharitable. Unkind. Bitchy, even. What the hell was wrong with him? His gaze slid to her.

  She was The Problem.

  Noelle. So named because her birthday and Christmas were one in the same. No doubt that had sucked when she’d been a kid, Judd thought, watching as she lifted the lid to the basket and looked in on her kittens. Less trouble for her parents, but never having a dedicated day that was just about her like so many other people. Had they wrapped some of her birthday presents and put them under the tree? he wondered. Or had they simply sang “Happy Birthday” while she opened her Christmas gifts?

  A little black paw darted out and a series of squeaky meows sounded in the silent cab of the SUV. She smiled then, her face softening with pleasure and affection. Her fiery hair gleamed in the light of passing cars, making it flicker like flames. It was gorgeous, that hair. Made him want to fist his hands in it and draw her to him. And since he didn’t seem to have the least little bit of control where she was concerned, it wouldn’t surprise him if he just snapped at some point and did just that.

  Like picking her up and tossing her over his shoulder. He still couldn’t recall where the idea had come from, if he’d even thought of it at all before doing it. One second he’d been seeing red, wrapped up in a haze of humiliation and anger, and the next her soft belly was on his shoulder, her softer, plump breasts against his back and her rump—the one that, in his estimation, would win the Best Ass Ever contest—was so close he could have turned his head and literally kissed it, had he wanted.